🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?